I Am

neither an idiot nor a coward. When the first few levels of those craven idiots of dark arts practitioners tried their tricks on me, I told them go stuff it up you know where. This continued until those at higher levels started making feel totally helpless and taking away my memories of how I had handled the previous attacks on top of the tremendous dark state of mind that they were creating.

 The favourite french phrase of one of my good friends happened to be 'suckers of a certain male member of the Fowl family!' That along with a slight modification of it that includes their parentage (or absence of knowledge about their parentage) was what I used to call them. If you do not know french, I would be glad to give you a translation in private.

All their statements about no pain no gain was complete bullshit (cow dung is holy, bullshit is certainly not). I used to experience almost every day the kind of pain that I have mentioned in one of my previous posts. Every night I would go to sleep wishing that I wouldn't wake up again and after a fitful night, wake up wishing I had not. One thing that kept me going on was a statement made by a certain fellow hosteller of mine - that suicide may give you release but will leave your family and others who care about you very miserable. This went on for well over 10 years of my life!

 Having cheated death at least a couple of times (there were other unrelated occasions on which I did that, all while riding a bike or driving a car), I realised that I did not have the luxury of dying. I thought of death as a flat lining of sorts - the final release after which there would be no sensations, emotions or any thing else that we would relate to living and woeful torment (as it was during those years).

I have been told that I am gullible. Perhaps in some ways I am but certainly not gullible enough to believe the fowl sucking dark arts practitioners of unknown parentage so often!

I used to see this message quite often - "I shall restore twice as much unto you!" You who said that will certainly pay for every single sin but I do not want even a single paisa from that unholy piece of whatever comes out of our recta.

Other messages included, "yenn samoogam unn munne sellum" or my society will precede you wherever you go. I know which paths to take, I do not need incompetent nincompoops of sadistists leading the way for me. One more was,"My presence shall always be with you." There is nothing that I detested more than your disgustingly filthy presence. I am glad to be more or less rid of it!

All these would be perpetrated while giving me unbearable pain to convert to a certain world 'religion', the same one that has had several scandals of its acolytes indulging themselves in buggering of the innocent (looking at all those paintings of cherubs, who would have thought they could be so dastardly!). Being repeatedly told that I would have to convert or the pain will never stop!

The help I had was of the bare minimum. A few days before I fell from the terrace of our house, I got a message saying, "they are going to kill him." I have said this before and I say this now - I can understand the motivations most of those who wanted to kill me at that time considering what was going on and their lack of complete understanding. But the donkey rear orifices are so NOT forgiven!

I have since a young age had a way with words, especially when writing. Of late I see that this has deteriorated in general, but I am happy with contents of this post! I am glad that my french is improving and becoming more couched in NUANCE (I have come across numerous messages saying that I lack nuance). I do not wish to embarass my friends! And NO - I do not buy and have never bought friends! My Friends are the kind that I dare say can not be bought!